You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
