I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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