Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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