hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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