Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
