EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
