My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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