Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The air was thick with penises
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
