If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
...so i touched it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Found the puke drawer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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