Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
