my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
