the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
