Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
