She is in my trunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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