WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
