question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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