His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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