Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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