My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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