My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
