dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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