Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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