i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do vagina's smell?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
