Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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