I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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