a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
