You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
