a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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