Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
