She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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