Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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