Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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