I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
