He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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