I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
