I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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