Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
