OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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