to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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