I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
