OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
