My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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