I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
