I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
