He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
