That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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