Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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