so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
