He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there was a trapeze. enough said
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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