I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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