I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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