This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
