There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize