I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
